7 Things I Wish I Could Be Gaming

As it stands, I’m without a television to hook my Xbox 360 too. That goes for literally every system I have at my disposal, no “telly.” The idiot in me traded in my DSLite a while ago, and I never had a PSP to get rid of in the first place. I’m down to this computer, and its measly graphics card, and the internet that comes and goes at its own whimsy. I’ve decided that instead of being bummed, I’ll use my time to fantasize what I will be doing the first chance I get…

1. Play as Rorschach (Watchmen demo): More specifically, I want to toss prison inmates to their Comedian-like death. No other move in the game quite captures the essence of Rorschach, like the trusty grab and throw, but it doesn’t hurt to shatter a few prisoners’ faces with an elbow, or two… Not you anyway.

2. Get a boarding penalty (NHL 09): With the rules in this game ignoring the fact that there are only six hitting animations (1 of which is actually legal) with the recent update, I guess I’ll have to settle for going to the box every time an offensive player carries the punk into my corner. Keep your stinking poke check.

3. Delving deeper into F.E.A.R. 2: I’ve only put about 3 hours of play time into this game, and half of that has been in online modes, so I’ll be glad to have an interesting single player experience to continue… Thanks again to 360junkies.com for hooking me up with the game!

4. Piledrive Sagat into any old Street (Fighter IV): I’ve been longing to destroy this cycloptic douche bag again. I don’t know what it is, but the way he says “Tiger!” makes me want to crack his bald head like an egg. Thanks to the shinyswine.com for hooking me up with SFIV!

5. Find some unique stunt jumps (GTA IV): It’s been way too long since I cruised the mean streets of Liberty City, and even longer since I jumped over them. Actually I’ll probably dial up some cheats, like I’m fucking Keanu in the Matrix, and go rooftop sniping, while I’m at it.

6. Beat my high score in Waves (Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved 2): It’s been so long, I don’t even know what that score is! I’m pretty sure it’s in the 5 mil area though, and I need me something round the 7 mil area to even be able to return home to my family after all these years…

7. Play something new (Resident Evil 5, Legends of Wrestlemania, MLB 2K9): I don’t care which one, actually I do, and it’s RE:5! Man I want to get my hands on this sucka. Most of all the Mercenaries Co-Op, mmmmmmmmmm Mercenaries.

You could even do this list backward, and I’d be equally happy. I just want to play some games! How did people live 1970 years without games? Bet they’ll never do that again…